"I'm so good at cooking, even the fire alarm is cheering me on." - Blonde
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head, sits down and orders a drink. Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towel. The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"
Woman: Can I get Viagra here? Pharmacist: Yes. Woman: Can I get it over the counter? Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can.