Can’t believe how quickly the batteries keep running out on my smoke alarm. Really need to get my wife some cooking lessons this Christmas.
My mama was so cheap, she waited 'til after Christmas. 'Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow.' She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.
Yo momma so ugly that Santa came on Christmas Eve, he said "Ho! Ho! Holly shit!!!"
I’m not allowed to DJ on the hospital radio any more. Apparently, “Do they know it’s Christmas” is not an appropriate song for the dementia ward.
Q: How are a priest and a Christmas Tree alike? A: The balls are only for decoration.
What did Hitler get his daughter for Christmas? An easy bake oven
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Q: Why did Santa get arrested? A: He got caught laying Barbie under the Christmas tree!
Santa saw your facebook pictures...You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
If you’re just getting up, leisurely opening your presents and generally enjoying your Christmas Day, spare a thought for the less fortunate at this special time of year and the hardships they have to endure. People wi ...