Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? One of them was assaulted!
The latest reports from the Internal Revenue service shows that it has streamlined its tax form this year. It goes like this: A. How much did you make last year? B. How much do you have left? C. Send B.
Just found out today that I’m colorblind… It really came out of the purple.
Got a new job today following in my fathers footsteps… I’ve become a minesweeper.
Omg I think I might have died and gone to hell. Oh wait.. It OK, I’m just at work.
Sign on a door: "WARNING: Use door for entering and exiting only!"
I've been called worse by better
You can celebrate Valentine's Day with your heart, I'll celebrate with my liver.
I’m often accused of eavesdropping. I just wish they’d have the guts to say it to my face.
What's the difference between a tree, a dog, and a lake? Give up? A tree HAS bark and a dog barks. What about the lake? THAT'S WHERE THE SUCKERS BITE!