Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
What’s the difference between Oscar Pistorius and George Michael? Oscar Pistorius has only been arrested once for firing off a few rounds in a toilet.
What do you get if you hold a twenty pound note between your chin and your chest? A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a strip club.
My missus once baked a cake so dark and rich that one of the Kardashians wanted to marry it.
Chuck Norris told Anne Robinson she was the weakest link and made her leave the stage.
Yo mama so ugly the Terminator said, "I won't be back."
Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.
W hy does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am? She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7. He replied, “I still love Vista, baby”.
Police have removed a large amount of material from a house belonging to Cliff Richard. Fingers crossed it’s just child porn and not new music.