She said "Gym or me". Sometimes I miss her.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Alright, who ate my raw broccoli florets?”
When you stop and think about them, treadmills are fucking dangerous.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I’m 82
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted? A: Because he was squatting.
I’ve accepted the fact that being cremated is my last hope for a smoking, hot body.
For all you dieters: I have a new favourite vegetable. Carrot Cake.
I don’t understand why gyms have mirrors. I know what I look like. That’s why I’m here.