When I die, I’d like the word ‘Humble’ to be written on my statue.
Good women are found in every corner of the earth. Unfortunately earth is round.
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
“Why has everything got to be a game with you?” My wife sighed. “An excellent question love” I said, “but next time, please use the buzzer.”
Before my son could start going on job interviews, he needed to dress the part. That, he decided, required a $500 suit. “What!?” I answered, gagging at the price tag. “I’ve bought cars for $500!” “That’s wh ...
They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.
My mates all say I’m a bit of a pub scarecrow. I stand in the corner and frighten all the birds.
I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home. It was the box from my new 65″ TV.
I think without doubt the best job in Iraq, would have to be Foreign Ambassador...
My ex-wife just texted me, “Guess what, I now know what a real dick is like.” I replied, “Yeah, I’ve seen you with him.”